Episode Transcript
[00:00:36] Speaker A: Tonight we find Mr. And Mrs. Lockhart. The typical American couple taking a trip to Europe.
That is, Mrs. Lockhart is taking Mr. Lockhart. They are now at sea. As you probably know, Mr. Lockhart is the average American businessman. Blunt, comfortable, knows his own mind, enjoys his business. And would much rather have gone fishing. Mrs. Lockhart is the pleasant type of American wife. A thorough house. Belongs to the Woman's Club and the literary society of her town. And still retains the spirit of romance. We pick them up as they sit in their deck chairs on board a transatlantic liner bound for England.
[00:01:22] Speaker B: Isn't this perfectly glorious, dear? Beautiful sunshine. Not a ripple on the water. Aren't you glad you decided to take this trip?
[00:01:31] Speaker C: Yes. It's comfortable and restful. But we're not off the boat yet.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: Oh, now, dear. Don't look for trouble.
[00:01:39] Speaker C: I haven't met anybody on board yet to talk to.
[00:01:42] Speaker B: Well, you will later on. They say people always become friendly after a day or so at sea. I've already met one very nice English woman.
[00:01:50] Speaker C: Where did you meet her?
[00:01:52] Speaker B: In the ladies lounge last night while you were in the smoker. She's a lecturer or something. Look, look. That's her now, coming along the deck. I'll call her.
[00:02:00] Speaker C: No, no, don't. No, don't, dear.
[00:02:01] Speaker B: Why not?
[00:02:02] Speaker C: Well, we've always heard these English people are so reserved.
[00:02:07] Speaker B: Nonsense. She's very nice and she's very chatty, and I just adore her accent. Here she comes.
Good morning.
[00:02:15] Speaker C: Now. Now, wait, dear.
[00:02:17] Speaker D: Oh, good morning. So glad to see you about coming with us.
[00:02:21] Speaker B: This is my husband, Mr. Lockhart.
[00:02:24] Speaker C: Pleased to meet you.
[00:02:26] Speaker D: How do you do?
[00:02:27] Speaker C: What did you say your name was?
[00:02:30] Speaker B: I'm sorry. I didn't get your name last evening.
[00:02:33] Speaker C: No, she didn't get your name.
[00:02:35] Speaker D: You mean we weren't introduced? How embarrassing. But then, of course, on board ship, you know, one doesn't mind, does one? My name is Beecham.
[00:02:45] Speaker C: Beecham.
[00:02:47] Speaker B: Now, I thought that was it. And I looked all down the passenger list today, and I couldn't find it.
[00:02:53] Speaker C: No, she. She couldn't find it.
[00:02:55] Speaker D: Oh, it's there all right, under the B. Beecham.
[00:02:59] Speaker C: Well, how do you spell it?
[00:03:01] Speaker D: Why, B, E, A, U, C, H, A, N, P. Beecham.
[00:03:07] Speaker C: Good Lord. Well, my wife was saying you're in the lecturing business.
[00:03:14] Speaker D: Yes, if that's what you call it. I can hardly call it a business, though.
[00:03:19] Speaker C: No, maybe that isn't quite the name for it. We. We call it a racket. Will what, dear?
[00:03:27] Speaker D: Racket. I never heard that word before. How do you Spell it.
[00:03:31] Speaker C: Why? R, A, C, Q, U, E, T. Well, how.
[00:03:40] Speaker E: Well, what.
[00:03:41] Speaker C: What do you speak on? Miss Beecham. Miss Beecham.
[00:03:47] Speaker D: My subject is Hands across the Sea. Such a bendy title, don't you think? And after all, you know, we are cousins.
[00:03:54] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:03:56] Speaker B: After all, we speak the same language. Nearly.
[00:04:00] Speaker C: I'm glad you said nearly.
[00:04:02] Speaker B: Will, you're terrible.
[00:04:04] Speaker C: No, I'm not. I was just reading this morning in that guidebook that in England, if I want to buy a pair of garters, I gotta ask for suspenders. And if I want a pair of suspenders, I gotta ask for braces. Isn't that right, Miss Beecham?
[00:04:22] Speaker D: Oh, great.
[00:04:23] Speaker C: And an elevator is a lift, and gasoline is petrol. And the movies are called cinemas. Isn't that right? To miss.
[00:04:36] Speaker D: Oh, great.
[00:04:37] Speaker C: Yes, well, that's as far as I've got in learning English. But outside of that, I guess we speak the same language.
[00:04:45] Speaker D: Of course, those are just details.
[00:04:48] Speaker C: Details, ma'am? If I need a pair of suspenders and I get garters instead. That's no detail. That's a matter of major importance to me.
[00:05:00] Speaker D: I take it this is your first trip to England?
[00:05:03] Speaker C: It is.
[00:05:04] Speaker B: Oh, yes, Miss Beecham. We've never been across before.
[00:05:08] Speaker C: No, and if I know it, we'll never come across again.
[00:05:13] Speaker D: Oh, but you don't know what's in store for you.
[00:05:16] Speaker C: You said it. But I'm preparing myself for the worst.
[00:05:21] Speaker D: Of course you'll visit London and the Thames. Oh, the dear old Thames.
[00:05:26] Speaker C: I suppose we will.
[00:05:28] Speaker D: Mrs. Lockhart. You simply must persuade your husband to take his panting on the tim.
[00:05:33] Speaker C: What's that?
[00:05:35] Speaker B: Oh, yes. Yes, of course, Miss Beecher.
[00:05:37] Speaker C: And just what is this panting on the Thames?
[00:05:41] Speaker D: Panting? P, U N T I N G Panting? Oh, it's so delightful. I can think of nothing more enjoyable. I wonder if I can explain.
[00:05:52] Speaker B: Explain it to you.
[00:05:53] Speaker C: Oh, I wish old Charlie could hear this.
[00:05:56] Speaker B: Will. Will. Well, now, I'm sure it must be delightful, Miss Beecham. We'll. We'll have to try it.
[00:06:04] Speaker C: Yes, we. Maybe we will.
[00:06:06] Speaker D: Oh, you must, my dear. It's quite thrilling. And now I must leave you.
[00:06:11] Speaker C: Oh, must you go?
[00:06:13] Speaker D: Oh, yes, I must go. I've only done three miles so far. We can. Morning. And I always do five miles before luncheon. It's eight miles around the boat, you know.
I'll see you at tea time, I hope. Goodbye.
[00:06:29] Speaker C: Goodbye.
[00:06:30] Speaker B: Goodbye.
[00:06:32] Speaker C: Well, Panting on the Thames.
[00:06:35] Speaker B: Wouldn't you like to try it, Will.
[00:06:37] Speaker C: My dear, Before I lose my breath and start panting on the Thames?
[00:06:42] Speaker B: Yes, dear.
[00:06:43] Speaker C: I'VE got to lose my mind and start picking on the coverlets.
[00:07:10] Speaker B: Darling.
[00:07:12] Speaker C: Yes?
[00:07:13] Speaker B: Oh, this cabin is so stuffy.
[00:07:17] Speaker C: Well, the storm is nearly over now.
[00:07:20] Speaker B: Oh, I'm feeling so miserable.
[00:07:23] Speaker C: So am I, dear.
[00:07:25] Speaker B: I wonder if we should have stayed at home.
[00:07:28] Speaker C: I know we should.
[00:07:32] Speaker B: Oh, dear. What was that?
[00:07:35] Speaker C: Well, I think that. That was half the Atlantic Ocean.
[00:07:40] Speaker B: Oh, dear. Oh, dear, dear.
[00:07:45] Speaker C: And that's the other half.
[00:07:48] Speaker B: Oh, if this boat would only stop rolling. Just a minute.
[00:07:55] Speaker C: What was that?
[00:07:56] Speaker B: I think it's someone knocking at the door.
[00:07:59] Speaker C: Well, I'm not going to get down out of this upper berth for anybody.
[00:08:05] Speaker B: You'd better answer it. You better answer it. These.
[00:08:09] Speaker C: Hello, there. There's nobody home.
[00:08:13] Speaker E: May I come in, sir?
[00:08:15] Speaker C: Yes, sir. Come in.
[00:08:18] Speaker E: Good morning, sir. It's a lovely morning, sir.
[00:08:21] Speaker C: It is not a lovely morning.
[00:08:23] Speaker E: Aren't you feeling well, sir?
[00:08:25] Speaker C: We are not.
[00:08:26] Speaker E: I'm sorry, sir. Everyone else is up on deck having a lovely time. The sun's shining. It's a beautiful day, sir.
[00:08:32] Speaker B: Are we the only ones ill?
[00:08:34] Speaker E: Yes, madam. Everyone else is up enjoying themselves.
[00:08:37] Speaker B: Isn't there a storm?
[00:08:39] Speaker C: Oh, no, ma'am.
[00:08:40] Speaker E: It's just a bit of a blow, that's all.
[00:08:42] Speaker C: Well, now, that. That makes me feel a little better.
[00:08:46] Speaker E: Oh, you'll be all right, sir, when you get up. The. The captain's compliments, sir. And would you be so kind as to be chairman of the ship's concert tomorrow evening?
[00:08:56] Speaker C: What? Me? Chairman of the concert?
[00:08:59] Speaker B: Oh, Will, isn't that night.
[00:09:00] Speaker E: Yes, sir, if you don't mind obliging.
[00:09:03] Speaker C: Well. Well, now, I. What do you think, dear?
[00:09:06] Speaker B: Why, yes, dear, of course, you. You know, it's made me feel better already.
[00:09:11] Speaker C: Well, all right, Steward. Give my compliments to the captain and say I'll be glad to officiate.
[00:09:19] Speaker E: Thank you, sir. Are you feeling better now, sir?
[00:09:21] Speaker C: Why, yes, I believe I am.
[00:09:24] Speaker E: And you, madam?
[00:09:25] Speaker B: Oh, yes, yes, very much better, thank you.
[00:09:27] Speaker E: I thought you would be. You thought we would?
[00:09:30] Speaker C: How did you know?
[00:09:32] Speaker E: Well, sir, seasickness is mostly imagination, sir. And if you've got something to think about instead of yourselves, it soon passes away. Thank you, sir. I'll tell the captain.
[00:09:43] Speaker C: Well, now, what do you think of that?
[00:09:46] Speaker B: Chairman of the concert?
[00:09:47] Speaker C: No, what the steward said.
[00:09:49] Speaker B: Oh. Oh, about imagination.
[00:09:51] Speaker C: Yes. Well, all I can say, my dear.
[00:09:54] Speaker E: Is that if what we've been through in the past eight hours is imagination.
[00:10:00] Speaker C: I never want to be really seasick.
[00:10:29] Speaker E: I'm sure we have all enjoyed Mr. Wimmer's rendition of that last number. And now, before announcing the last item, on the evening's program. I've been requested to extend to you the captain's regrets. Who has been detained on the bridge on account of the fog. Now, we've all enjoyed a pleasant voyage on this bird of passage, as the poet puts it.
[00:10:51] Speaker C: I forget which one.
[00:10:53] Speaker E: And I understand that we land at Southampton early in the morning. So I'd ask you all to join in a round of applause for the captain and crew who brought us safely across the trackless ocean, as someone has called it.
Now, the closing number is a solo, a soprano vocal solo. By one of our charming fellow passengers, Mrs. W.B. munch. The solo is entitled. The World is Waiting for the sunrise.
[00:11:32] Speaker B: Dear one.
The world is waiting for the full rain.
Every rose is heady with dew.
The thresh on ha.
[00:12:40] Speaker E: The collection for the Siemens fund amounts to $121.69.
Dancing will now begin on the promenade.
[00:13:15] Speaker B: Dear. Did you open the porthole a little?
[00:13:19] Speaker C: Yes, dear.
[00:13:21] Speaker B: We must be up early in the morning. Good morning.
[00:13:24] Speaker C: Yes, dear.
Good night, dear.
[00:13:29] Speaker B: You were splendid tonight as the chairman, dear.
Good night, dear.
[00:13:54] Speaker A: And so we leave the Lockharts until next week at the same time, when we shall join them again as they arrive in England.
